Thursday, January 11, 2024

Sports Predictions for 2024


GQ - "Ohtani Makes (More) History, Caitlin Clark Goes Even Harder, and 22 Other Things That Will Definitely Happen in 2024"


The Minnesota Timberwolves secure the West’s No. 1 seed for the first time in 20 years and are rewarded with a matchup against either Steph Curry, LeBron James, or Kevin Durant in the first round of the playoffs.
Congratulations, Minnesota! You’ve earned this. The state has endured literal decades of bad basketball while waiting for a team like this, which features two former No. 1 overall picks and a three-time Defensive Player of the Year. The T-Wolves’ best season since the Garnett days earns them the best record in the conference and ships them right into a series against one of the best players ever.

The Stanley Cup Final takes place exclusively in cold weather cities.

You might be thinking, “So what?” Well, that hasn’t happened since 2013! That was a Chicago-Boston series, much more evocative of a frozen winter sport than the years since, when places like Vegas, Tampa, Nashville, San Jose, and Sunrise, Florida have hosted a handful of hockey's biggest games.

Justin Fields, Marvin Harrison Jr., and Derrick Henry lead the Chicago Bears back to the playoffs.
No one feels more like a Chicago Bears running back than King Henry, who is a free agent heading into the 2024 campaign. You can practically picture him lumbering off the field with his jersey caked in Soldier Field mud after a 175-yard, two touchdown day. The Bears—who have the same feel as the Lions did this time last year—become a much more attractive destination after drafting Marv in April.

The Canadian men’s basketball team win gold at the 2024 Olympics.

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, RJ Barrett, and Dillon Brooks—the eternal pest who, when draped in the red-and-white of his home nation, undergoes an Olympic Melo-like transformation—led Canada to their first Olympic berth since Steve Nash’s 2000 squad by securing a bronze medal at last summer’s FIBA World Cup. Now, unleashed on the world’s biggest stage for the first time, this young, hungry, absurdly talented group will look to leapfrog up the podium. Who’s going to stop them—an almost-40 LeBron, a perpetually injured KD, and Steph Curry coming off a slump of a Warriors season? Doubtful.

The rise of Olympic breakdancing will cause an unprecedented wave of dance-circle-related injuries during summer wedding season.

Breaking, the latest addition to the Games, will—much as skateboarding did at Tokyo 2020—no doubt become the talk of Paris 2024. Just steer clear of your Uncle Frank on the dancefloor at your cousin’s nuptials in August when he tries to boozily recreate the gold-winning performance and winds up dislocating a shoulder and punting a bystander in the chin in the process. -Yang-Yi Goh

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